How to Pretend You’re a Morning Person

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Morning people. Ugh. They’re just so freaking smug, you know? Like somehow they have acquired magical powers by going to bed right after their early bird special and waking up hours before the sun comes up.

(And if you meet a morning person who’s also into Crossfit? Prepare to lose consciousness from the suffocating smog of superiority they emit. If they happen to be paleo or keto too, just walk away. It’s not worth it.)

But for many of us, successful adulting means that we have to function like reasonably cheerful humans early in the day. In fact, research has shown that you are actually five times more likely to get a job interview if you apply early in the morning!

“The best time to apply for a job is between 6am and 10am. During this time, you have a 13% chance of getting an interview — nearly 5x as if you applied to the same job after work. Whatever you do, don’t apply after 4pm.” –TalentWorks.

Much to my chagrin, those smug morning people might be onto something. Here’s how to fake it until you make it.

1. GO THE F$%^ TO BED!

Do you really need to binge watch Stranger Things for the third time? No. No, you do not. Be extra smart and charge your phone out of reach. Late-night scrolling does your sleep cycle no favors. Going to bed at a reasonable hour doesn’t make you boring. It makes you a grown up. Deal with it.

2. Give yourself something to look forward to in the mornings.

When you’re dreading that early alarm, ease the pain of getting out of bed by planning something each day to lure you out from under the covers.

  • Be totally 90’s and get a coffeemaker with a timer so that you have a hot cup ready and waiting when you stumble into the kitchen.
  • Plan a breakfast date with a friend.
  • Put on great music while you shower.
  • Reward yourself for getting out of the house early by picking up your favorite drive-thru morning treat. (Chicken Minis anyone??)
  • Try to make mornings at least a little bit fun.

3. Figure out what you like about mornings.

There’s got to be something. I have never, ever been a morning person. When I was in my early 20’s, my job did not start until 10:00 am, and I lived 2 miles away, so I would routinely wake up at 9:45 and then roll into my office with car-applied makeup and start my day bleary-eyed like a good Millennial. Now, I have a two-year-old. That two-year-old wakes up between 6:30-7:00 am every single day with the enthusiasm of a young rooster. Before the sun even rises above the horizon, I can hear his tiny voice belting out tunes from The Greatest Showman soundtrack through his monitor. Every. Single. Day. So my hubby and I have become morning people by force. And, honestly, I’ve learned to like a lot of things about it.

I love getting to see the sunrise (except on weekends when I sleep in as late as I want because my husband is amazing). I love getting to watch bluebirds fly around in the woods behind our house while I’m making coffee. I love that because I get an early start with my little guy, we have a couple of leisurely hours every day to take our time making breakfast and have fun and hang out before we have any obligations. There are upsides to being up early, you just have to look for them.

4. Make friends with caffeine.

I used to enjoy coffee recreationally. Now I enjoy coffee medicinally. Sometimes, legal addictive stimulants are the only way to get your foot out the door. See what coffee drink you are and take a few minutes to grab a hot (or iced) beverage on your way into the office.

Now go get ‘em, tiger!

Getti

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